Lunarella
by CJ - Lady of Gryffindor
Summary: Once upon a time there was a beautiful maiden named Luna who roomed with her wicked housemates Cho and Marietta. One day,word came that there was to be a ball & George Weasley would chose a girlfriend from the young maidens at Hogwarts! M 4 minor sex talk
1. Part One

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-Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the creation of JK Rowling. I don't know who originally wrote Cinderella, but it wasn't me and I am sure this person is rolling over in their grave as we speak.

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-Part one is dedicated to karexdarkxkiss with many, many wishes for a Happy Birthday! Had I known today was your birthday I would have dedicated chapter 7 of Forever from the Ashes to you! Hope you have a good one hun!

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Lunarella

Part One

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Once upon a time in the Village of Hogsmeade there was a beautiful castle which housed a school called Hogwarts school for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hogwarts students were divided up into four houses...Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

In the house called Ravenclaw, there lived a beautiful maiden by the name of Luna. Luna roomed with her two wicked house-sisters, Cho Chang and Marietta Edgecomb. Cho and Marietta were very mean to Luna. They were vain, snotty, smelled funny, and they made her clean their room from top to bottom and do all their homework because they were too stupid to do it themselves. They were incredibly cruel to Luna...they teased her, laughed at her and called her Lunarella.

Still, Luna was always happy, and she was incredibly sweet and kind. Because of Cho and Marietta, Luna never really had any friends of her own. The only friends she had were two house elves named Dobby and Winky. She made them little outfits and shoes out of the hats that they often found laying around Gryffindor tower and sang to them while she scrubbed the dormitory floor with her own toothbrush (Per Marietta and Cho's orders of course.)

One day Luna was sitting in the corner (she wasn't allowed a chair) doing Marietta's transfiguration homework when Cho burst through the door.

"Marietta! Marietta!" She said as she tracked mud all over the floor that Luna had just cleaned that morning."I have the most wonderful news!"

Marietta, who was sucking down a huge onion,tuna and sardine smoothie, was so startled that the smoothie flew from her hands and landed in the middle of the homework that Luna was doing.

"What is it?" She jumped to her feet

"There's to be a Mule ball...tonight, in the great hall!"

"I think you mean Yule." Luna said from the corner

"Whatever." Cho waved her away

Marietta scratched her head "What's a Yule?"

"Duh" Said Cho "It's the same thing as a mule...but spelled with a Y."

Luna bit down hard on her lip to keep from laughing.

"Actually...Yule, sort of means Christmas." She wasn't about to go into the technicalities...since Cho and Marietta were too stupid to understand anyway.

Cho said snottily "I knew that...I was just seeing if you did."

"A Mule Ball!" Marietta said dreamily "How exciting!"

"Yule." Luna corrected

"Whatever." Said Marietta

"Anyway, you haven't heard the best part." Cho said

"Better than a Mule ball?"

"Yes! Even better than a Mule ball!" Cho grinned evilly "You know those handsome twins in Gryffindor house?"

"The red haired ones?" Marietta sat down on the side of her bed...her expression dreamy "The Weebleys?"

"Weasley." Luna corrected again

"Whatever." said Marietta

"Shut up you ugly girl." Said Cho "Don't you have homework to do?"

Luna shrugged and went back to siphoning tuna, onions and sardines off Marietta's transfiguration homework with her wand.

"Anyway...rumor has it, that Fred has dared George to find a girlfriend by the end of the Mule ball. They've asked that every available girl in the school attend."

Marietta gasped. She'd had her eye on George since she was a first year!

"He's going to be mine at last!" Marietta sighed

"I've already cast the imperious curse on Cedric Diggory to get him to ask me." said Cho with an evil grin

"Oh what will we wear?"

"I'll have to go too then." Said Luna. She got up from the floor and handed Marietta her completed, though smelly, essay.

"YOU?!" Said Marietta with an incredulous laugh

"You?!" Echoed Cho "Go to the Mule ball?"

"Yule" Luna corrected

"Whatever." Cho said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"You can't go to the ball." Marietta said

"Why not?" Luna asked "You said every available girl in the school is to attend."

Cho and Marietta looked at her for a minute, then turned to each other and started laughing.

"Lunarella!" Marietta screamed with laughter "At the Mule ball!"

"Can you imagine?" Cho laughed "How will she get there? On a Crumbled Horny Snorlack?"

_'It's crumple horned snorkack Idiot' _Luna said under her breath.

"Wait...wait..." Cho waved her hands animatedly "Of course you can go Lunarella."

"She can?" Marietta sobered "What the bloody hell..." She cut off as Cho elbowed her in the stomach with a loud Ooff

"If..." Cho smiled evilly "She gets her chores done, and all our homework....and has something suitable to wear."

"I don't want her to g...." Marietta began but was stopped once again by Cho slapping her upside the head.

"Oh!" Luna said excitedly "I will...I'll get it all done!"

"See that you do." Cho said as she pulled Marietta into the hall

_' I have just the dress...' _Luna thought as she went to her trunk. She pulled out a long pink satin gown that had belonged to her mother

'_a little mending, maybe some decoration...I'll just run down to Hogsmeade and...'_

"LUNARELLA" Cho yelled as they came back into the room, their arms loaded down with books "Go to the library and here's a list of assignments." Cho pulled a huge scroll from her pocket.

"But there's so much!" Luna exclaimed

"Well, we put out the word that you were willing to do homework...quite a few people were more than willing to have you do it."

"But..." Luna began as she eyed the pink dress on her bed.

"Homework first...you agreed..." Marietta smirked

"Okay." Luna said as she took the scroll and the huge pile of books and left the room.

"Now..." said Cho. She and Marietta went to their trunks

"What shall we wear?" Marietta dug deep and pulled out a white sash "Oh I HATE this thing!" She through it into the garbage

"I must have something!" Said Cho...pulling out a blue beaded necklace "That is SO last year...away with it!" and she tossed it in the can atop the sash.

"Cho" Marietta slammed the lid on her trunk closed "I think were just going to have to go into Hogsmeade and buy something new."

"OH!" Cho exclaimed clapping her hands and jumping up and down "I agree! Road trip!"

And they left the room.

There was a loud crack and the two house elves that were Luna's friends appeared.

"You know what Dobby thinks Winky?" Dobby sighed sadly

"That diet Pepsi is much better than diet coke?" Winky said

"No." He shook his head sadly "Well, Dobby thinks that too...but Dobby thinks Miss Luna not go to the Yule ball."

Dobby ran his fingers over the pink satin of Luna's mothers dress. "Night and day, night and day they makes Miss Luna work."

Winky nodded sadly "Night and day ...Lunarella! Do my Potions, Lunarella! do my Charms! Lunarella! Scrub the toilet with your toothbrush!"

Dobby sighed "Dobby thinks Cho and Marietta are big shitheads!"

"Winky rather thinks they are more BY-otches than shitheads."

"Douchebags." Dobby nodded

"Total Fucktards." Winky sighed

"Miss Luna must go to the Yule ball." Dobby sighed "But how?"

"Dobby" Winky said with a huge grin "We can do it!"

"Not now Winky!" Dobby shook his head "Dobby's not in the mood."

Winky reared her foot back and kicked him in the butt.

"Not that!" Winky sighed "Winky thinks Dobby's been reading too much Nasty Naughty Witches from under Ron Weasley and Harry Potter's mattresses!"

"Winky! How do you know about that?" Dobby snapped his fingers, accidentally making himself disappear again. There was a loud crack as he returned "Royal Crappage! Dobby hates when he does that!"

"Dobby needs never mind that now." She sighed "Dobby and Winky can fix Miss Luna's dress!"

She began to dig in the garbage can.

"Winky!" Dobby said crossly "You know what Master Dumbledore said about dumpster diving!"

"Master only said to bring him the really good stuff!" Winky said as she pulled out the sash and beads "Master has no use for ladies pretties."

"Well...not anymore." Dobby shrugged "Not since Master Dumbledore stopped reading Internet porn."

"Professor Snape was bad to show Master those websites!" Winky sighed "Dobby must come with Winky now so we can fix Miss Luna's dress!"

"Dobby and Winky can do it!" Dobby began to sing "We can do it, we can do it, we can..."

"Winky says maybe later...first we must fix Miss Luna's dress!"

Winky giggled and took Dobby's hand, the dress, sash and beads in her other. Dobby snapped his fingers and they were gone.

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To Be Continued...

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-Pleae review!!!! Please? Don't want to make me cry now do you?

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	2. Part Two

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-Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling. I don't know who originally wrote Cinderella, but if you do...please don't tell what I've done to that lovely story.

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A/N: Sorry it took me a little while to get this up. I was in the hospital and sick and had to go to a funeral and between all of that, I just wasn't feeling very funny.

Please see the notes at the end.

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Lunarella

Part Two

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By the time Luna finished all the homework and arrived back at the common room her wicked house-sisters, Cho and Marietta, were already about to leave.

"Lunarella!" Cho snickered "Are you ready to go to the ball?"

"Of course she is." giggled Marietta "Look how _lovely_ she looks."

"I guess I won't be able to go after all." Said Luna sadly "I never got a chance to fix my dress."

"Oh, too bad so sad." Said Cho cruelly "But I'm sure it's for the best really. You wouldn't know how to behave around normal people."

"There aren't even going to be any Bumble eared snorfracks there or anything." Marietta said with a cruel smirk "I'm sure no one would want to dance with an ugly girl like you anyway."

Luna sat on her bed sadly as the door closed behind them.

"They're right I suppose." She sighed

Her head shot up as a loud crack echoed through the room.

"Miss Luna! Miss Luna!" Dobby smiled widely as he held out the dress. "Look, Winky and Dobby fixed your dress!"

"Oh Dobby! Oh Winky!" Luna stood and embraced them "How can I ever thank you?"

"It's okay Miss Luna." Dobby blushed and grinned widely "Winky has already thanked Dobby enough for both of you."

"Never mind that now." Winky said, blushing and giggling "You must get dressed Miss Luna!"

"Right!" said Luna as she quickly changed into the beautiful pink dress and tied her hair back with a pink bow.

"Miss Luna looks so pretty." Winky sighed as Luna ran out the door.

Dobby giggled "Dobby would take a crack at Miss Luna himself if not for the fact that Winky would tie Dobby's thing in a knot."

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"Wait!" Luna called as she descended the stairs into the Ravenclaw common room "I'm ready...I can go too now!"

"Lu..." Cho goggled, her eyes bulging like an ugly toad "Lunarella!"

"I'm here!" Luna smiled as she caught up to them at the door "I'm ready!"

"Now what?" Marietta said with a screech as she turned to Cho "You said she'd never be rea..." She was cut off by Cho's elbow hitting her sharply in the gut.

"Well, well, Lunarella!" Cho said coldly "What a _nice_ surprise."

"Nice my arse!" Marietta glared at Cho "She..."

"And such a lovely dress." Cho continued "The sash really adds something, don't you think Marietta?"

"Bloody hell no I..." Cho kicked her

"I said..." Cho smiled evilly "The SASH really adds ..."

"And I said bloody hell!" Marietta looked from Cho to Luna. Finally Cho bent over and whispered in Marietta's ear. She straightened and an ugly look came across her face."HEY...that's MY SASH! Why you little thief!"

Marietta reached out and tore the sash from Luna's dress, tearing the dress itself.

"No!" Luna cried "Stop!"

"And those beads..." Cho said coldly as she ripped them off "Are mine."

"Why..." Marietta screeched "I bet she's even wearing my underwear!" she tore the skirt from the dress

"Oh...oops" She said laughing meanly "I guess not...my bad."

"Lunarella...shall we go?" Cho sneered

"I guess I'll have to stay behind after all." Luna said sadly "Since I don't have anything suitable to wear."

"I'm sure it's for the best." Cho said "It's no loss really...George Weebley would never have given an ugly girl like you a glance anyway."

"Weasley." Luna sighed

"Whatever." Cho gave a dismissive wave as she and Marietta left the Ravenclaw common room and closed the door behind her.

"I should have known." Luna sighed as she sank into a sofa "My dreams aren't meant to come true."

"Well now." Said a high pitched voice behind her "What kind of attitude is that to have?"

Luna spun around to find Professor Flitwick standing behind her.

"Professor..."

"Now now Miss Lovegood, for tonight at least, I am not your professor."

"I see" Luna smiled with excitement "Are you my fairy godfather then?"

"Watch who you're calling a fairy missy, I'll have you know that despite my outward appearance, I am totally strait."

"Right" Luna said

"Well I AM!" Flitwick yelled "I am so tired of people just assuming that because I am a little light in my loafers that I am gay!"

"Oh!" Luna exclaimed "I meant no disrespect...gay men are some of the most lovely people alive."

"Well, of course they are, even though I am not one of them."

"So...er...what _are_ you then?"

"Well, I'm straight of course, a metrosexual really."

"No..." Luna shook her head "I mean, what _are_ you ....to me?"

"Oh right." He said, shaking his head slightly to clear his mind "We prefer the term Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer"

"Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer?" Luna echoed.

"Yes, your parent's appointed me to watch out for you in the event that they were unable to do so themselves."

"Like a Godfather." Luna pointed out.

"Please, please...no religious terms...we wouldn't want to offend anybody with this fan-fiction."

"Of course not." Luna rolled her eyes "So a wish engineer...is a …?"

"Well a person who grants wishes of course."

"I see...so, your job is to watch out for me and make my wishes come true?"

"Correct!" Flitwick smiled

"Like a fairy godfather." Luna nodded "Just using a more complicated politically correct-non religious sounding name."

"Exactly!"

"And you don't feel the redundancy and overt overly political correctness is a bit asinine?" Luna asked "Are you sure you're not the political correctness fairy?"

"Don't call me a fairy!"

"Well! I'm so, so, soo-ooo-ry!" Luna singsonged sarcastically

"Oh Merlin's saggy boxers Miss Lovegood!" Flitwick yelled and stomped his foot "Do you want to go to the Yule Ball or not?"

"Oh yes!" Luna's eyes opened wide "Of course I do...is this why you've come?"

"No, I came for inquisition regarding my title and sexual preferences." He rolled his eyes

"You brought it up...not me."

_'Fucking Ravenclaws! Wit beyond measure my big fat hairy ass! Condescension beyond measure is more like it!' _He thought acerbically

"Bloody hell! Let's just get the show on the road!" He exclaimed "I haven't got all night...got my own date waiting you know."

"You...you found a date?" Luna's eyes were wide and surprised

"Yes I have a date!" Flitwick looked at Luna angrily "And it's not with Hagrid either if that's what your thinking!"

_'I think thou doest protest too much'_ Luna thought as she grinned to herself.

"What are you grinning about?" Flitwick tapped his wand against his leg "Perhaps you'd rather I leave? You look perfectly lovely in that dress...let me guess who the designer is...Junkheap Vercase*? Vera WanginintheGarbagecan** ?"

"Well, there's no need for sarcasm!" Luna said "You've no reason to be so short with me."

"Now your dissing me because I'm a small person?" he spluttered "is that it?"

"Of course not." Luna rolled her eyes "As you said, lets get this show on the road."

"Very well." Flitwick stepped forward " I suppose we best start with your shoes."

"My shoes?" Luna questioned

"Of course Miss Lovegood...shoes are _everything_!"

_'Well' _Luna thought _'SOMEONE has a foot fettish!'_

Flitwick waved his wand over her feet and her tired old shoes were replaced by clear plastic and silver ribboned shoes, embedded with rhinestones.

"What?" She looked up "No glass slippers?"

"Work with me will you?" Flitwick rolled his eyes "This is the 90's***, you ever dance in glass shoes? One good fast song, they shatter and your feet will be cut to bits, then, you sue us and put us out of business."

"Oh...right."

"Now...your accessories." Flitwick said

"But...what about my dress?"

"Get with the program Luna! Really!" He shook his head "Don't you know that for todays smart dressed women the motto is Accessorize!Accessorize! Accessorize!"

_'Yeah' _Luna giggled to herself _'and he claims he's strait'_

He waved his wand again and Luna felt cold trickle down her body as she was covered in tasteful silver and crystal accessories. Long chandelier earrings dusted her shoulders, a thin choker and bracelet completed the look and her hair was pulled into a bun with a look of carefully designed disarray, capped off by a silver and crystal tiara.

"No diamonds huh?"

"Sorry, not in the budget these days, cut backs you know." He nodded "Besides, the last girl we used real diamonds on went out and hawked hers for an Xbox."

"Oh...horrible that." Luna nodded "Erm...what's an Xbox?"

"Were not quite sure...she was a muggle born you see."

"Oh...right." Luna nodded

"Well then, I guess all that's left now is your dress." he said plainly and waved his wand over Luna's torso. She looked down and found herself mortified. The dress was enormous...sky blue and frothy covered in yards and yards and yards of glittering tulle.

She screeched "I can't go in this!"

"Why not? It's lovely!"

"Sure, if my wish was to be crowned Miss Drag Queen UK!"

"Well....it worked for Cinderella!"

"Do I look like Cinde-fuckin-ella to you?!"

Flitwick chuckled slightly "I guess not, not with that potty mouth!"

He gave the wand another flick and Luna looked down again...even more mortified than she was before. The deep red dress was disgustingly low cut, so short it barely covered her rear end and had slits that went to her waist.

"I can't wear this!" She covered her face with her hands

"What's wrong with this one?"

"Four words...Fredrick's of Hollywood Catalog!"

"Well, that _is_ where I got my inspiration..." he sighed

"I look like a hooker!"

"Yes, but very cute hooker!"****

Luna grabbed the front of his jacket and spoke through clenched teeth "Fix it!"

"Okay! Okay!" He waved his wand a third time and Luna was nearly afraid to look down. This time though, the dress was prefect. It was white, low cut, but not daringly so, tight to the waist where it flared out into a multi-layered slightly puffy sparkling chiffon skirt.***** A simple white glittery feathered mask covered her eyes.

"Tres manifique!" Flitwick clapped his hands together excitedly "It is perfection!"

Luna twirled in circle "It is lovely, isn't it?"

"You look like a beautiful dream my dear! Truly!" He smiled "Now, I must warn you...the magic fades at midnight...all this loveliness will disappear at that time."

"Midnight? What is this, the 1800's?"

"Okay, okay...one-thirty and not a moment later." He smiled "Now...take this." he reached in his pocket and pulled out a glittering silver wand.

"This?" Luna said as she reached for the wand. "What is this for?"

"Ahhh!" Flitwick said disgustedly "Didn't you hear a word I said? Accessorize!Accessorize! Accessorize! "

"Well _excuse_ me!" Luna said as she lifted her skirt and tucked the wand in her garter.

A clock chimed in the distance "Now, it is time to go! You must hurry and remember, the magic ends at midnight!"

"Hey! You said one-thirty!"

"Right, right..." Flitwick rubbed his hands together "One."

"Thirty!" Luna corrected

"Fine, fine!" he sighed exasperatedly

"Er....don't I get a pumpkin carriage or something?"

Flitwick rolled his eyes and grabbed Luna by the arm. He lead her to the door of Ravenclaw house then pushed her through, shutting the door behind them.

"Down six flights of stairs and to your left! Sheesh, kids these days...too lazy to walk and they wonder why they're all so fat!"

He waved his wand and disappeared in a puff of silver smoke.

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To Be Continued...

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Notes:

Now, before anyone starts flaming me...I don't mean any offense to anyone who is gay, please keep in mind this is a parody. Couple notes...

*Refers to the famous Italian designer Gianni Vercase (Pronounced JOHNNY VER-SA-CHI) who was murdered in 1997

** Refers to the famous designer Vera Wang

*** As Harry Potter was dated to have taken place in the 90's, so does this story

****Yes, this line was slightly stolen from the Princess Diaries movies, though Mia never looked like a hooker, it was Asparagus and Moose.

*****If you ever saw "A Cinderella Story" (Starring Hillary Duff) the dress she wore for Halloween was the dress that was the inspiration for Luna's dress.

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	3. Part Three

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling. I don't know who created Cinderella; it wasn't me, but I won't tell if you don't.

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Lunarella

Part Three

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George Weasley smiled patiently as he listened to the annoying Ravenclaw girl ramble on. She had been dominating his attention for the past hour and he supposed he might have found her a little more interesting if he could have convinced her that his name was Weasley and not Weebley. That wasn't the girl's only problem, not by a long shot. She smelled of onions, tuna and sardines...George may not have been a Ravenclaw but even he knew that wasn't a good sign.

With another deep sigh he glanced over her head looking for his twin brother Fred, his mind already relishing the incredibly large amount of pain he was going to inflict as soon as he managed to shake the smelly girl. This whole thing had been Fred's idea after all.

George didn't mind going it alone, unlike his brother who seemed obsessed with the idea of finding the perfect girl. It wasn't that George was strange, he liked girls just fine. The problem was none of the girls who flocked around him and his brother could hold his interest. He demanded certain qualities in a girl, unlike his brother whose only requirements were that she be able to hang onto a quaffle while flying as if her hair were on fire, duck a spell mishap and belch at least as loud as him.

"Mr. Weebley." The annoyed Ravenclaw demanded his attention "Don't you think so?"

"Excuse me?" George asked politely, turning his attention back and holding his breath….the tuna, onion and sardine smell was overwhelming.

"You're so silly." She smiled, his eyes locked on the huge hunk of tuna that was lodged between her front teeth. "Pretending to ignore me."

"Err…yeah, caught me." George took a deep breath and held it in again, nearly fainting from the reek.

"Well, now that were done playing." Marietta pulled his face closer, a green waft of odor practically waving around their heads. "Don't you agree that I am the most beautiful woman you have ever laid eyes on?"

"Erm…" George moved his arm slightly, letting his wand slide down to the cuff of his dress robes. He was ready to start a fire … _anything_ … to get away from onion-of- the -sea girl.

Above them in the rafters, Dobby and Winky sat in a chandelier watching George dance with Marietta, both looking sick to their stomachs.

"Winky." Dobby shook his head. "You know what Dobby thinks?"

"That Dobby wants to do _it_ again?" Winky giggled into her hand "Merlin's testicles Dobby…isn't four times enough for one night?"

"No!" Dobby giggled and blushed. "Well…Dobby thinks that too for he wouldn't mind another go round….but Dobby thinks that must wait for later."

His eyes narrowed a little as he looked down at George Weasley again. "Dobby thinks that humongous walking bag of douche Marietta is determined to monopolize all of George Weasley's time."

"But if she does that, how will George Weasley fall in love with Miss Luna?" Winky looked scandalized "Dobby and Winky can't let that skanky ho cheat Miss Luna, no they must not!"

"Oh…Dobby thinks Marietta is most evil, she and Cho the ho too! Just look at what they have done! Poor Mr. Cedric follows her around, not knowing he is imperioused! He has a soppy look on his face!"

"Mr. Cedric looks most soppy." Winky agreed. "He looks just like Dobby does after Winky gives him a …"

"Dobby and Winky must do it!"

"In the chandelier Dobby?" Winky looked scandalized "Dobby and Winky would fall on George Weasley's head and that would be most embarrassing!"

"Not that Winky!" Dobby rolled his eyes. "And Winky says Dobby has read too much Nasty Naughty Witches. Dobby thinks Winky has been borrowing "Wild Wizards with Whopper Woody's" from Professor McGonagall's desk again!"

"Winky has most certainly been not!" Winky looked sad "Not since I caught Headmaster Dumbledore returning her back copies and he threatened to tell on Winky!"

Dobby looked at Winky, confused for a moment…then he shook his head like a dog shaking water out of his ears. "Dobby and Winky will talk about this later. For now, Dobby and Winky must stop the big fat turd monster."

"Dobby is right." Winky nodded "We must stop it…but how Dobby?"

Dobby thought for a moment, and then a wide smile came to his face. He snapped his fingers and vanished…then reappeared a moment later.

"Major crappage!" he exclaimed "Dobby hates it when he does that!"

"Dobby!" Winky pointed towards the stairs. "It is Miss Luna…and oh how lovely she looks! Dobby and Winky must do something fast!"

"Dobby thinks a bit of turn about is called for." Dobby grinned and looked down at Marietta and George. He pointed and snapped…and the combs went flying from her hair.

"Ohh!" Marietta screeched "What in the…!"

George let her go and backed away. The next second, the hooks on the back of her dress popped open.

"Oh My!" Marietta grinned "George Weebley…if you wanted to get me nekkid, all you had to do was ask!" She made to lunge at him "Rawrrr! Hisss hisss Rawwwrrr!"

George looked at her in horror as the skirt of her dress tore loose and puddled around her feet. He cracked a grin when he saw that she was wearing granny undees that had a big brown stain up the back.

Marietta grabbed her ass in horror, reaching down for her skirt and pulling it back up. The entire room pointed and laughed. Cho was no help; she had dragged Cedric out into the Hedgerows to refresh the imperious curse as his sub conscious had begun to try to fight it off.

"Miss Edgecombe!" Professor McGonagall reached the middle of the dance floor and grabbed Marietta by the arm. "That underwear is unacceptable! Learn to use toilet paper! It's to the hospital wing with you!"

"Oh…Oh George!" Marietta held out her hand dramatically as she was dragged off "Remember me as I was…fight the urge to come and see me…darling…I know you'll miss me…but...go on love, go on…"

"Not bloody likely." George grinned as she watched her lead away. "I'll have to boil my brains in bleach to forget that sight."

He turned to search the crowd for his brother. He felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned again to find Fred smirking at him.

"Are you very broken-hearted?" Fred laughed loudly

"Crushed." George rolled his eyes. "You're dead. You just don't know it yet."

"I'm sure I'll be waking up tomorrow with extra appendages."

"Speaking of which, can I go to bed now?"

"Of course not!" Fred looked affronted "The nights still young."

"Yes, well…after that I feel…"

He broke off abruptly, for over Fred's right shoulder a young woman had caught his attention. In the group of young women who had turned into a blur some hours before, she stood out like the bright glow of a snowflake against black hair.

She was stunning.

To Be Continued...

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Sooner this time…I promise!


	4. Part Four

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling. No clue who created Cinderella, but if I ever meet them on the other side, I imagine I am in for an ear full for writing this thing.

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Lunarella

Part Four

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Luna stepped off the stairs, her eyes alight with excitement. Finally, …despite the attempts of her wicked house sisters, despite having to put up with a ration of nonsense from her Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer who did double time as the political correctness fairy she had arrived…she was at the Yule Ball.

The Great Hall had been transformed into a place that Luna had never seen before; it was grand, majestic…a blue and silver winter wonderland of ice and snow. Tonight, in this magical place, George Weasley would choose a girlfriend from all the maidens of Hogwarts and though Luna knew he would never chose her, she felt overjoyed just by the idea of being there.

George turned away from his brother's amused laughter. Let him laugh at the fact that, so far that night, George had been stuck dancing with every nutter within the castle walls. Suddenly, George didn't have a care in the world. The cast of hundreds in the Great Hall had turned into a dim blur, overshadowed by the vision in white that had just stepped from the staircase.

She was stunning…no, stunning didn't begin to describe her. Was there a word that combined breathtaking, dazzling, and lovely…not to mention, _totally fucking hot_? If there was…it still didn't come close to defining the vision George Weasley now beheld.

"George?" Fred spoke loudly in his brother's ear, but George barely heard him. Instead, he turned and thrust his glass into his brother's hand, then walked swiftly to seek the attention of the indescribable beauty across the room.

By the time he reached her, a crowd had already formed around her. He sighed sadly, among them were some of the finest young men Hogwarts had to offer. Then, they began to fly away from her…as if some force were picking them up by the seat of their pants and tossing them across the room. The path to her was suddenly clear again and George moved forward. He glanced upward to find two house elves sitting in a chandelier, grinning and giving one another a hi-five. George smirked, winked at them then gave them a thumbs up.

Luna's breath caught when she saw George coming her way…it was…but no…it's couldn't be. Why would George Weasley seek her out?

"Hello." He stopped in front of her, bowed low, and then kissed her hand.

Luna's mind screamed. _'Holy crap holy crap holy crap!'_

It was really happening! George Weasley was really standing with her…he had really just kissed her hand!

'_Oh bloody hell,' _she thought _'Did I remember to wash my hands after I used the bathroom last?_

She smiled nervously, her mind scrambling back to her last trip to the bathroom. She sighed with relief…yes, she had washed her hands.

"Hello." She said finally

"Would you care to dance?" George stood straight again, subtly smelling his robes as he did and hoping like crazy that the reek from onion-of-the-sea girl's breath hadn't rubbed off on him.

"I'd like that." Luna sighed and allowed him to lead her into the great hall. "I'd like that very much."

She couldn't resist the grin that came to her lips as she thought about her wicked house-sisters Cho and Marietta and how they had said that George Weasley would never look at an ugly girl like her. A conga beat began in her mind, a sort of celebratory dance that only she could hear…

'_Suck on this you stupid bitches! Suck on this you stupid bitches!' _

George's heart hammered in his chest as he led her out onto the dance floor. '_Who is she' _he wondered, his mind scrambling to figure out why he had never noticed her before. Surely, even with the feathery mask that covered her face, he would have noticed someone so lovely. Her eyes were bright silver, her skin was pure ivory and her lips…oh her lips…were delicate and pink, the sort of lips that begged to be kissed.

Luna sighed softly as George pulled her into his arms. He was much more handsome up close. His light brown eyes danced with unimaginable mischief and something else…something Luna couldn't define. His shoulder smelled slightly…very slightly…of onions and tuna…but beneath that was the scent of soap…a clean fresh scent that Luna found quite refreshing. The boys who she sat near in class always seemed to drown themselves in cologne.

The room was alight with curiosity. Who was she; who was the strange girl in George Weasley's arms? Surely, she was a girl from a visiting school…no girl such as this had come from within their own Hogwarts hallways. But then they all remembered…the writer of this fan fiction hadn't actually said that this story was taking place during the Triwizard tournament, so no other schools were there. She had only used the Yule Ball because it was convenient, and…because it rhymed with Mule. All the better to make Cho the ho and Marietta look more stupid…something the fan fiction writer enjoys almost as much as making Angelina Johnson evil…but only almost.

But the writer digresses...damn ADD.

But if the girl wasn't from another school…who could she possibly be? Surely they would have noticed someone so beautiful, her eyes were the brightest silver, her skin pure ivory, and her lips…oops, the writer just realized she was being repetitive for the sole purpose of increasing her word count and none other, so she ended the thought and moved on...with the deepest of apologies, of course.

George and Luna were oblivious to the questions floating around them, their eyes stayed locked on one another. They had no choice in the matter; they couldn't have looked away if they wanted to…which they didn't. A herd of Crumple Horned Snorkacks could have run raging through the great hall and Luna wouldn't have bothered to notice…Percy could have tapped George on the shoulder and announced that he had managed to yank his head out of his arse…and George wouldn't have cared in the least.

The only thing in the world was each other.

"You're a wonderful dancer." Luna said while she gazed up into the dancing pools of light brown. "Have you bewitched your shoes with the onionskin dancing charm?"

"The onionskin dancing charm?" He asked

"Yes." She nodded. "You smell faintly of onion."

George silently cursed onion-of-the-sea girl and fervently hoped that professor McGonagall was cramming a crate of Charmin up her wazoo.

"Oh, no." George shook his head. "I had an altercation with a person with rather bad onion breath earlier."

"Oh." Luna wrinkled her nose adorably. "Nasty."

George thought of the brown skid mark on the girl's granny pants and grinned.

"You don't know the half of it."

* * *

Above them, looking on from the chandelier, Winky sighed dreamily.

"Oh Dobby look, Miss Luna looks ever so happy."

"That she does Winky." Dobby agreed, taking Winky's hand. "That she does."

"Winky thinks Dobby and Winky should be professional matchmakers." She giggled

"So Winky," Dobby leaned over, his smile huge. "Now that this matter is settled, shall Dobby and Winky go for number five?"

Winky sighed, "Why must Dobby always think with his penis?"

"Dobby assumed his penis is the thing that is most important, since all the young Masters in Hogwarts spend so much time worrying about using theirs." He shrugged "Besides, when Dobby thinks with other things he ends up getting into trouble and Winky kicks him in the arse."

"But Winky usually kicks Dobby in the arse because he is always thinking of nasty things to do with his penis."

"Ohhh…" Dobby scratched his head, a dreamy look came to his eyes, and then a wide dirty smile spread across his face. His voice went deep and throaty, highly suggestive as he licked his lips. "Oh, yes."

Winky reared back her foot, then kicked him in the arse.

* * *

George pulled Luna closer.

"Who are you?" His nose brushed over hers as he spoke softly. "Please, tell me who you are behind the mask."

"I…" Luna's voice froze in her throat.

"I want you to be mine." He kissed her cheek. "But I can't ask if I don't know who you are."

Could she tell him? Would he still like her if he knew that she was really Lunarella…could he possibly wish to have her as his girlfriend if he knew?

"Don't be afraid, it doesn't matter to me who you are." He pulled back, his eyes looking into hers pleadingly.

"Even if I'm…" Luna reached back for the ties on her mask…and then the clock began to toll one-thirty.

'_Really?' _Luna cursed _'I just fricken got here! One dance...that's all I get? Kinda gives fast dance a whole new meaning…don't ya think?'_

"I'm sorry…I have to go!" She pulled away, already feeling the magic sweep away as her clear plastic jeweled shoes turned back to her old ones.

"Wait!" George followed her "I don't even know your name!"

"Erm…" Luna stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and then spun in a circle. "My address is Hogwarts, shoot me an owl…sorry, gotta run!"

Then she ran into a corridor just as she felt the magic slip further away. Quickly, she ducked into an empty classroom, just before her dress reverted back to rags.

'_Hey.' _She thought_. 'I'm a fricken witch; I'll just transfigure this crap…why didn't I do that in the first place instead of messing with that anal retentive Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer political correctness fairy?' _She smacked herself on the forehead _'And they wonder why people tell blonde jokes.'_

But when she reached for her wand…it was gone.

-)0(-

At the bottom of the stairs, George Weasley stood staring at the now empty staircase…she had flown…and he hadn't even gotten her name.

"_My address is Hogwarts, shoot me an owl…"_

'_Yeah' _He thought as he sank down to sit on the bottom stair. _'That's helpful. Who am I supposed to address it to? The one who _didn't _reek of onions and tuna?' _

George sighed, a resigned feeling of loss fell over him…and then a sparkle down by his feet caught his eye. He reached down and picked up the silver wand. He raised his own, and then waved it over the wand that sparkled madly in his hands…

"_Priori Incantantum"_

…and her face appeared.

* * *

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Coming soon…the conclusion of Lunarella!

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	5. Part Five

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling

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A/N: And here it is…the conclusion to Lunarella! Thanks to those dedicated fans who stuck with this from the start, even though it took me forever to finally get to the end! Hope you enjoy the ending! Please see additional notes at the end.

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* * *

Lunarella

Part Five

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* * *

George sighed as he stared at the silver sparkling wand…even knowing that it was hers…what was he to do with it? It wasn't as if he could use it to summon her, it wouldn't give him her name. He sighed again…a sigh that came from his toes.

"What you looking so glum about" Fred said as he approached. "What happened to the hottie?"

"She left." He gave his brother a mournful look. "She didn't even tell me her name."

Fred leaned in closer. "Well…you do rather reek of onion and tuna."

"As if that's my fault!" George protested vehemently "it was onion of the sea girl breathing all over me!"

"Oh yeah." Fred wrinkled his nose. "Nasty one; wasn't she?"

George closed his eyes and sighed again, the silver eyes, the soft ivory skin and her delicate pink lips…all swam up behind his closed lids. His dream come to life.

"Well, she's gone." Fred looked at him sympathetically. "Plenty of other fish in the sea."

George's face took on a sour look, the memory of tuna stuck between a pair of crooked teeth flashed in his mind. If that was the sort of fish that were out there, he'd rather spend the rest of his life wanking with his fist.

"Nice choice of words." He bit out disgustedly "onion of the sea…nasty."

"Oh yeah…sorry bout that."

Fred resisted the urge to grin. Instead, he rose, then slapped his brother on the shoulder. George sighed again, decided that he was sighing way too much, then watched his brother walk away.

"I guess my dreams aren't mean to come true."

"What is it with you kids and your negative attitudes?"

George stood and spun around.

"Professor Flitwick?"

"Ah…not tonight." He chuckled "Tonight I am a Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer."

"A what?"

"A Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer."

"What the bloody hell is that?"

Flitwick sighed and decided he didn't have the patience to explain it again.

"Listen Weasley, go back to chapter two and read it for yourself."

George nodded and began flipping back pages. His eyes went huge and a gigantic smile came to his face.

"It was Luna Lovegood?" He smiled at Flitwick "She is my mystery girl!"

"Shit!" Flitwick looked around in a panic. "You weren't supposed to see that!"

"Too late!" George laughed and began to run up the stairs…but Flitwick was too fast. He pulled out his wand and hit George in the back with an obliviate just strong enough to erase the last five minutes.

George turned slowly… his eyes slightly dazed from the obliviate spell. "So, what is this Parentally Appointed Wish Engineer thing anyway?"

Flitwick rolled his eyes. "It is a person who's parent's appointed to look after someone; a person who also grants their wishes."

"A fairy godfather?"

"DON'T CALL ME A FAIRY!" Flitwick exploded "I am not gay… I am a metrosexual!"

"Erm…why so tense?" George asked "You know, my mum always says if it isn't true it shouldn't upset you so much."

Flitwick glared back at George. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Right…so someone appointed you to take care of me?"

"Not you, the young lady." Flitwick straightened his robes.

"You're her Godfather?"

Flitwick rolled his eyes. "No religious terms please…CJ doesn't like getting flames for voicing her Christian views in her fictions."

"Ah…" George shuddered slightly "I hate it when CJ get's flames, last time she got a really bad one I found myself standing in the snow about to kill myself."

"Oh yes…" Flitwick nodded "That was a great scene though…very touching."

"Yes…CJ is very good, just wish she would quit making me all suicidal and crap. Get's depressing after awhile."

"Yes, I can see where that would be a bit depressing." Flitwick nodded. "Well, we best get on with it. Where were we?"

"I'm not calling you her Godfather as to not offend anyone with this fic."

"Oh, right, right."

"So, you look out for her, and you grant her wishes?"

"Yes." Flitwick looked pleased. "Exactly!"

"Like a fairy godfather."

Flitwick raised his wand and pointed it at George's groin. George's eyes went huge and he hastened to protect himself.

"I WON'T CALL YOU A FAIRY!"

"Very well."

"So…" George took a deep breath while he righted himself again. "So you're one of _those things_ just using a politically correct non-religious sounding name?"

"Exactly."

"And you don't find this a bit asinine and overly politically correct, are you sure you're not a political correctness engineer?"

Flitwick rolled his eyes, why did he have to go through this EVERY, SINGLE, DAMNED, TIME?

"Damn it Weasley!," Flitwick yelled "do you want my help or do you want to spend the rest of your life wanking in the shower to the memory of onion of the sea girl?"

George shuddered, a horrible, nasty, vile image in his mind.

"Right…tell me what to do."

"Well, the wand is the key!" Flitwick said with a grin

"But I can't use it to summon her, nor her name."

"Ah, of course not. But, only one girl can use this wand!"

"One girl?" George looked closely at the wand.

"Of course, didn't you listen when Ollivander was babbling away at beginning of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone?"

"No." George shook his head. "I think we might have been in make-up when that scene was being shot."

"And you've never watched it?"

"Well you know…" George grinned "Been a bit busy since puberty hit."

"Doing what?" Flitwick asked

"Well…I… erm…" George shrugged

"He showers a lot," Fred said as he sauntered over

"I…I'm just,…just very keen on cleanliness." George protested

Flitwick and Fred gave George a look that made it perfect clear that they knew exactly what he was doing in the shower.

"Having any vision problems Weasley?" Flitwick asked with a small snicker

George fixed Flitwick with a look that was anything but amused. "If I were, could you fix my eyes with your Fairy Godfather powers?"

Flitwick glared at George, then conceded that perhaps, he had had it coming.

"Let's get on with it, I have a date waiting." He pulled on his vest to straighten it. "And it's not Hagrid if that's what you're thinking!"

"Then why's he standing over in the corner watching you mate?" Fred asked with a nod over his shoulder.

Flitwicks head whipped around, only to find the corner empty. Fred and George grinned at one another…Flitwick was less than amused.

"As I was saying!" he said abruptly shifting back to the matter at hand. "The wand chooses its master, and while a normal wand will work in the hand of another witch or wizard…this wand will not."

"You mean…" George's fingers caressed the silver sparkling wand, so gently it was as if it were his mystery woman's soft cheek beneath his fingers instead

"Only she will be able to use this wand properly." Flitwick smiled "So, when you find the girl who can use this wand…you will find the girl of your dreams."

"Nasty Naughty Witches December Centerfold?" Fred asked, his eyes wide with awe. "really?"

George and Flitwick turned and looked at him with incredulous eyes.

"Not you, you pervert!" Flitwick rolled his eyes at Fred "Your brother will find his mystery woman."

"Oh…" Fred nodded with understanding, then grinned. "Well, she was hot too."

"Fred," George looked at his brother with a deadly seriously look.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up before I tell Angelina, Alicia and Katie you've been stealing their panties from the laundry."

Fred made the motion of locking his lips, then pretended to toss the key over his shoulder.

Those three were dead scary…particularly when they weren't wearing any panties.

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* * *

Luna was woken by the sound of the door to their room crashing against the wall. She sat up to find Marietta standing in the doorway, a roll of toilet paper stuck to her butt in a permanent sticking charm.

"Cho…Cho!" She yelled, going to shake her roommate awake. "You have to help me!"

"What is it?" Cho sat up, and pushed her 'I _'heart' _The Blue Man Group' sleeping mask to the top of her tangled mess of hair.

"He's coming!" Marietta began to tug at her backside, trying to pull off the roll of Charmin.

"No he didn't." Cho pouted. "The imperious curse wore off too soon and Cedric ran away."

"Not him!" Marietta rolled her eyes. "George Weebley!"

Luna's heart clenched…George Weasley…coming where?

"George Weebley?" Cho pushed away the covers and turned, sliding into her Justin Bieber bedroom slippers. "He's coming? But you're not even having sex."

Luna looked at them and blinked, wondering how they had managed to be sorted into Ravenclaw…obviously some bribes had taken place. Come to think of it, she had seen them a time of two with black cloth sticking to their lips after leaving Dumbldore's office. Once when she had sneaked in after seeing them come out, the sorting hat had been grinning goofily.

"You idiot." Marietta had finally managed to tug the roll of Charmin from her butt and threw it across the room. "I mean, he is coming to our common room!"

"For what?" Luna asked, her eyes huge with curiosity.

"What do you care?" Marietta glared at her, her tone annoyed.

Luna turned and looked out the window.

"What is he coming here for?" Cho asked as she yawned, her morning breath drifting over and nearly knocking Luna out.

"He found a wand last night!" Marietta said excitedly "He's going around from common room to common room to find the girl that it belongs to!"

Luna gasped, her memory flying to her missing wand. _'He found my wand!' _

"Why it could be anyone!" Cho said. "It could be me!"

"No it's not!" Marietta glared across the room. "It's me!"

"Say's who?" Cho shrugged

"But…but you imperioused Cedric Diggory!"

"The more the merrier!" Cho grinned "Besides, I learned an important lesson last night."

"Yes. Me too." Marietta nodded. "I need to change my underwear more than once a week."

"Would you focus!" Cho yelled. "Who cares about you, were talking about me!"

"Oh right, sorry." Marietta shrugged and sat on her bed. _'Fucking Diva.' _"What did you learn last night?"

"To always bring a spare…" Cho shook her head with regret "Just in case one throws off the imperious curse before you climax."

"Oh." Marietta nodded. "Good plan. But…why does it have to be George Weebley?"

"Have you read the books Marietta?" Cho shook her head. "I'm a backstabbing ho, remember? Hence, the nasty-nickname CJ gave me...Cho the ho?"

"Right!" Marietta nodded enthusiastically. "Well, you better hurry…he'll be here any moment…he was just finishing up Slytherin house."

"Slytherin." Luna gasped again…that had to have been scary as hell. "I better dress!"

She pulled a change of clothes from her trunk, then vanished into the bathroom.

Cho gave Marietta calculating look, then she crossed the room and waved her wand.

"_Alohamora!" _

"Oh no!" Luna yelled as the lock clicked into place, "Oh no, no, no! Let me out…please,…please let me out!"

From the other side of the door, Luna heard Cho and Marietta laughing as they left for the common room.

Luna sighed and fell against the door, then she wiped away a tear and slid down to sit upon the floor.

"I guess my dreams weren't meant to come true after all."

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George looked around the Ravenclaw common room at the hoard of blood-thirsty looking females. Fred stood next to him, holding a red velvet cushion which held the sparkling silver wand.

"Bloody hell." George gulped loudly. "It's looks like a freaking Wal-mart on Black Friday in here."

Fred nodded. "Well, it could be worse. Remember the Slytherin common room?"

George shuddered, remembering how he had been tackled to the floor by Millicent Bullstrode who tried to grab HIS wand. "I'd rather not thanks."

"Yeah." Fred looked as if he might be sick while he remembered having to shake off Vincent Crabbe while he grabbed for a wand that was particularly special to Fred…and not the wand on the red velvet cushion.

George stepped forward warily, this was the last common room…she had to be here…but which girl was it? None of these girls seemed remarkable….not a single one.

The line moved along slowly, with each girl George's heart sank a little lower…until only five girls remained.

-)(-

In the rafters above, Dobby and Winky looked on with worried eyes.

"Dobby!" Winky wrung her hands. "Where is Miss Luna? Why is she not among the others?"

They looked at one another, then down at Cho and Marietta, then back at each other…then, they spoke at once.

"THOSE FUCKING BITCHES!" Dobby snapped his fingers, and disappeared.

-)(-

Luna sat on the bathroom floor, her face buried in her arms while tears ran down her face. All her hope was gone…by now, surely George had moved on.

There was a loud crack in front of her and Dobby appeared.

"Miss Luna! Miss Luna…you must come now! George Weasley seeks the girl he wishes to be his girlfriend in the Ravenclaw Common room!" He smiled and took her hand. "It is you Miss Luna...he has your wand, he does!"

"I…I know Dobby." Luna sniffled "But Cho and Marietta locked me in."

"And you wonder why they tell Blonde jokes." Dobby laughed. "Surely Miss Luna, he who can get in, can also get out!"

"Oh Dobby!" Luna bent and hugged her friend tightly "Oh Dobby, I shall never be able to thank you for this!"

"Worry not Miss Luna." Dobby got a far off dreamy look on his face. "Winky has promised several means of thanking Dobby for freeing Miss Luna."

He snapped his fingers….and he and Luna vanished.

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George sighed sadly as another girl lay the sparkling silver wand back on the pillow. There were only two left…he looked up to meet the girls eyes and was hit by a wall of green fumes.

"BLOODY HELL! YOU'RE ONION OF THE SEA GIRL!" He screamed and grabbed the wand from the pillow just as she reached for it.

"Yeah babe!" Marietta reached to pull the wand from his hand. "I'm back!"

George pulled the wand away. "No need for you to try…it's not you!"

"I'll have my turn!"

"Doesn't matter." George hid the wand behind his back. "I wouldn't date you if you paid me."

"I love it when they play hard to get!" Marietta laughed maniacally and began to chase him around the room. Unfortunately for him, George didn't know the common room and he tripped over a foot stool, landing hard on the floor. Marietta laughed as she stood over him.

"LUCY!" She sing-songed "I'M HOME!" Then she jumped on him and wrestled the wand from his death grip.

"Ah-ha!" She said triumphantly, standing with the wand in her hand. She gave it a wave,…suddenly black and orange sparks flew from the end. "I knew it would work!" Marietta looked down at George. "Pucker up big boy! RAWWWWWWWWWR! HISSSSSSSS RAWRRRRRRRRR!"

Then her entire head was enveloped in smoke. Marietta began to cough and splutter, waving furiously to clear the cloud. Finally, the air around her was clear again and she smiled down at George…but the air was the only thing that was clear…for now, blazing across her cheek in pimples the size of jelly beans was the word SNEAK.

"Marietta!" Cho gasped. "You're deformed!"

"Well Duh." Marietta shrugged, "But you promised not to tell anyone that I have twelve toes."

"No! I mean…" Cho reached into her bag for the mirror that she was never without…then showed Marietta what had become of her face. Marietta screamed and ran to the sofa and buried her head between two cushions.

"Oh," Cho shook her head. "Too bad, so sad. NOT.

"We all know what this means." She bent down and picked up the silver wand from where Marietta had dropped it on the ground. "This ho's gotta spare!"

She looked at George and winked "Get ready to come to momma!"

Cho waved the wand over her head, but when she did, nothing happened….not even a spark.

"Awww…" Cho said dejectedly as she flopped down into a chair. "Fuck monkeys."

"Well George..." Fred said with disgust as he watched Marietta's butt waggle around the sofa while she pulled up change and stuffed it into her pocket. "I guess we should be on our way."

"Yes, I suppose." George sighed as he looked around the room. Not a single girl remained…and he still hadn't found his mystery girl. "Let's go Fred."

But just as he turned away, George heard the most beautiful sound in the world…a sweet voice, calling out to him…

"Wait…wait…I haven't tried!" Luna said, running down the stairs. "I haven't had my turn yet!"

"Luna Lovegood?" Fred raised an eyebrow "Really?"

"And just why not?" Luna asked, turning to look at him. "CJ happens to like me. In fact, she says I am her favorite character."

"She likes us more." Fred stuck out his tongue.

"Does not." Luna said stubbornly, thumbing her nose at Fred.

"Does so." Fred argued obnoxiously. "I don't see your calendar page tacked up on her bedroom wall from all the way back to July 08!"

"No, but she has my 09 calendar page on the wall over her desk."

"Erm…could we argue about this later" Marietta yelled from the sofa. "My neck's getting tired."

"Yeah." Cho fogged up her finger nails and polished them on her 'Barney' pajama's. "Could we get a move on? I still need to find a spare."

George smiled at Luna, he already knew she was the one he sought…her eyes, her ivory skin…the soft pink lips.

Besides, she was the only girl left in Hogwarts that hadn't tried the wand yet.

Luna pulled the wand from George's hand, then raised it above her head and gave it a wave. The air was filled with gold and silver stars…and Luna was transformed once again into the beauty from the night before…though she wore sensible day wear.

"It's you…" George breathed, stroking her soft cheek. "Luna Lovegood…it's really you…the girl of my dreams."

"It's really me George Weasley." Luna looked up into his eyes adoringly. "Is that okay?"

"It's not just okay…" George smiled and brushed a kiss over her cheek. "It's very okay."

"Lunarella?" Cho said incredulously _"REALLY?"_

"Wunwewwa?" Marietta's muffled voice came from the sofa where she was reaching deep down for a deeply seated Cheeto. "WEEWY? 'crunch-crunch-crunch'"

"Yeah, Lunarella." Luna turned to her wicked house- sisters and waved. "Too bad, so sad."

Then, the door to the common room burst open and Headmaster Dumbledore walked in with Professor McGonagall, Cedric Diggory trailing behind.

"That's her professor!" Cedric cried, pointing at Cho. "That's the girl who imperioused me!" He whimpered "She…she,…she.."

He waved his hands furiously in front of his face.

"She violated me!"

"There, there Cedric." Professor McGonagall patted his back. "It's okay…most boys your age would like being violated."

"But professor, everyone knows I'm gay!"

"Are you sure you're really gay?" Dumbledore asked "Maybe you're getting yourself confused with that vampire guy you play from those other books."

"Oh…" Cedric stopped and thought. "Right…all that sparkling from that wand confused me for a moment. Damn…you're right professor, I am straight!"

"You play a gay vampire?" Fred struggled to keep a straight face.

"Oh, he's not gay. People just say he is because of the whole sparkling thing and...well...he doesn't seem to like sex much."

Everyone looked at one another and nodded, then they spoke as ones. "He's gay"

"He is not!" Cedric protested. "He eventually gets laid, though now that I think about it, after the first time, he refuses to do it again."

"Gayier than a gay-pride parade." Dumbledore shook his head. "I should know."

"Well, for the purpose of this story, I'm straight..." He looked around the room, his face a pale shade of green. "...And having sex with her was nasty…she screamed out her own name the whole time, made me do it in front of a mirror so she would watch HERSELF, and...she smells funny."

"Like tuna and onions mate?" George asked

"Yeah." Cedric nodded. "Just like that."

The room turned and looked at Cho, then looked at Marietta's butt sticking out of the sofa.

"I know what THEY'VE been doing." Fred said in a low whisper to George.

"Nothing wrong with being Bisexual." Dumbledore said. "After all those fanficitons…I'm starting to think I am too."

They all nodded in understanding, Marietta waggled her butt up and down in agreement instead as she was too ashamed to show her face.

"Well, be this as it may. The imperious curse is still unforgivable, so Miss Chang, you are to report to a lifetime of detention, scrubbing the Slytherin toilets…grab your toothbrush, you'll need it."

"Ewwww." Cho groaned as she was lead from the common room, her tooth brush in her hands. "Ewwwww."

"You too Miss Edgecombe." Professor McGonagall pulled Marietta out of the sofa, halfway through a mouth full of extremely stale Funyons.

"Wha'? Why" She blubbered, spewing crumbs all over the place to clear her mouth.

"You too shall serve a life time of detention…" Professor McGonagall opened the door.

"For what?" Marietta blathered

"I don't know." Professor McGonagall shook her head. "Give me time, I'll think of something."

"Oh, okay!" Marietta waved. "George Weebley…my love, you must promise me you'll go on….Remember…we'll always have the Mule Ball. Never forget love…never forget."

"You know…" Dumbledore laughed as he stepped through the door. "I don't think there is enough brain bleach in the world to forget that one.

"Come along young Cedric, tell me more about this sparkling vampire friend of yours." Dumbledore put his hand on Cedric's back. "Does he ever cross over into our universe?"

"All the time sir…" Cedric nodded "All the time."

"Well…" Fred looked around the now empty room. "Don't I feel like a third wheel. Guess I will go and steal some panties out of the laundry or something." He grinned and tossed the red velvet pillow at George, then waved as he headed for the door. "Psst Luna…"

"Yes?"

Fred opened the door and stuck one foot out, then stuck his tongue out at Luna. "CJ likes me better" he sing-songed.

Then, before she could answer, he closed the door.

George smiled and pulled her closer. "Never mind him, you'll get used to it."

"It's okay," Luna smiled " I'm very secure about my place in Harry Potter fandom."

George loved women with self-confidence.

"So, is it really okay that I am Luna Lovegood?" She asked with a teasing smile. "You're not the least bit surprised?"

"Not at all." George brushed a finger over her cheek and smiled. "I knew since last night really, Flitwick showed me chapter two and then tried to obliviate me…but he didn't go far enough back."

"Oh…I see." Luna smiled "So you've just been playing along."

"Yes." He nodded and winked. "CJ threatened me with a slash fic if I didn't."

"Ohh." Luna nodded, a horrified look on her face. "Good choice."

"I have to play by her rules…totally at her mercy you see." George smiled and lowered his face to hers. "And this is the part where she says I am supposed to deep tongue kiss you."

"Deep tongue?" Luna raised an eyebrow. "really?"

"Okay, I ad-libbed that." George moved closer, his lips brushed softly over hers "But she did say I am supposed to kiss you."

Luna sighed as he brushed his lips over hers again. "I love a fic that has a happy ending, don't you?"

"Maybe she will write a sequel where we get to have sex." George moved even closer and closed his eyes, his lips touching hers...but barely. "The only ones who got any in this one were Dobby and Winky."

"George?" Luna pulled back and looked deep into his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to keep talking, or are you going to kiss me?"

"I'm going to kiss you." He pulled her face to his, their lips millimeters apart. "A lot…a whole lot. Forever and ever."

And as their lips met, a shower of gold and silver sparks shot out of the end of the sparkly silver wand, enveloping them in a haze of never ending bliss.

It would never be like this with anybody else...this moment was perfect...and they were perfect for one another.

All because CJ said so.

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Above them in the rafters, Dobby and Winky sighed and looked on.

"And so it ends Dobby." Winky smiled "We did it"

"We did it Winky." Dobby smiled back "In fact, we did it a lot in this fic. I hope CJ writes another fic with us in it…she has a dirty mind."

"Quit thinking with your penis Dobby." Winky sighed.

"As soon as Winky quits watching Draco Malfoy and Vincent Crabbe when they do naughty things together in the shower."

Winky sighed…that day was never going to come.

"Okay Dobby can think with his penis all he wants." Winky relented.

"So Winky, it's a new day." Dobby leaned in and grinned. "Shall we go for a record?"

Winky looked at Dobby and grinned, the she began to sing...

"We can do it, we can do it…"

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And so, George and Luna lived happily ever after...

….but nowhere near as happy...

...as Dobby and Winky.

The End

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So, it was seriously not my intention to offend anyone with this fanfiction...that would include:

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House elves

Twilight Fans

Tuna Fans

Barty Crouch Jr's annoying twitch

Cedric Fans

The Worst Cooks in America

Homosexuals/Bisexuals/Lesbians/Metrosexuals

Anyone sexual

Coca-cola

Blow-up dolls

Chicken of the Sea

Bobby Flay

Onion Fans

Cho the ho/Marietta fans

Short People

Hagrid Fans

Fairy's

Fairy Godfathers/Fairy Godmothers

Christians

Non-Christians

Ash Ketchum

Bumblebees

Butter

Draco fans

American Idol

Slash fans

Anyone with a penis

Anyone who wears Granny panties with skid marks

President Obama

Funyons or Cheetoes fans

Anyone who owns a sofa

Sneaks

Parentally Appointed Wish Engineers

Sorting Hat fans

Garden Gnomes

A Tree

Dumbledore

Voldemorts Nipple, Dobby's Sock, Blast-Ended skanks and/or Hagrids Buttcrack.

Ludo Bagmans gambling debts

Hobbits

George's missing ear

Porn Stars

The Cake Boss

That guy from the Allstate commercials (I am a random wind storm...Shakey...shakey shakey shakey...shakey shakey! CRASH!)

Gerard Way (I think he was damaged enough in "My Immortal," don't you?)

Anyone who has ever been rick-rolled

Anyone premenstrual

Bart Simpson

Anyone with a vagina

The independent party

Gandolf the Grey/White

Aslan

So you think you can dance...wait...that has it coming.

Your left big toe

House flies

Kleenex

Mushrooms

Anyone who has a smurf tattooed on their ass

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Dentists...oh wait, I don't mind offending them, they suck..strike that.

The mean old lady who lives downstairs from me

Anyone who wears an A cup

Anyone who wears a nut cup

Anyone who drinks from a coffee cup

Anyone who likes green eggs and ham

Anyone who likes sam I am

Anyone who likes Dr. Suess

Anyone who's been hung with a noose

Any crazy people on the loose

Captain Jack Swallows

Jim Beam

Yugi Mouto

Ballerina's

Annoying people

Tall People

Medium people

Fat people

Skinny People

Blue people

Horny people

Frigid people

Imperioused People

CONDOMS

Women who use band-aids for bras

Women who use nickles for birth control

Anyone Menopausal

Barney Fans...if you are reading this, you need to go to bed, it is past your bedtime.

Seto Kaiba/Brock

Iron Chef America

Superman

Simon Cowell

Miss Manners

Dear Abby

The Cast of High School Musical...wait, they have it coming.

Our neighbors cats

Grilled Cheese

Those McDonalds fries that have been under your car seat for four years

Mosquitoes

The Nile

Denial

My Shrink

Pepperoni Pizza with black olives and Mushrooms

Mt Dew

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If I left anything/anyone out...feel free to flame me for being offensive! :P

Seriously I did not mean to offend anyone...this was a for fun parody...please take it in the manner it was meant. :)

Oh, and review!

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